the Mists of Time...

A time capsule recollection of a significant event…

Combing through some old materials today I happened across this short piece of writing from November 1, 2003. Just a week ago last Tuesday was the 22nd anniversary of the vehicle rollover which precipitated my paralyzed condition. What follows is my first draft looking back at that event from just shy of a year later…

They call it the Mists of Time... some say "I can remember it as clear as day" from right here, I'm not sure how it looks... let's see...

Early to midafternoon, I'm not sure.

Sudden and intense loss of control, the vehicle swerves to the left. I counter, correcting to the right. We are traveling about 75 mi. an hour. The vehicle gladly responds, and over responds, now careening towards the right side embankment, this will not do. Not bothering to wonder what went wrong, I correct again, this time to the left. Again the vehicle seems to comply, and over comply. I try again to correct to the right, there's no response as we continue to sail off the left-hand side of the road into the desert brush and cactus.

There is a soft and sure shift of energy as our unstoppable force, a great huge Ford Excursion, meets the immovable object, the soft and thick desert soil; our momentum still very much headed in the direction of the road, though the nose of our vehicle is pointed somewhere between 30 and 90° to the left of that trajectory. Still holding onto the wheel, not yet sure how to respond, I sense our shift as both right hand wheels dig into the soil and the left-hand side of the vehicle begins to rise, off the ground and clearly on its way well over.

Peering down at the only semblance of control which I've maintained for the past few moments, I realize that it, the steering wheel, is of no more use for now. Calmly letting go, I think to myself: "OK, now were just on a ride, just relax and let's see where this ends up..."

Then nothing.

Then blackness, a calm clear emptiness, and like a diamond ring on a black velvet pillow, a question: "Would you like to be alive or dead?"... I think for moment, just a moment, not a long moment, more I don't think, though it is very much like thinking, I just look and there is the answer. The question seems in no way profound, no strings attached no back story, just face value. Dead -- four letters, live -- four letters. No thoughts of the implied meanings of these words just a simple question. The answer I saw was plain, not better or worse, just plain, "alive".

Then more nothing.

My experience of this event is that was the simple approach to, opening of and entering through a doorway.

The aftermath, if one would call it that.

I hear my name...

"Kabir"

"Kabir's here"

I feel awkward, suspended sideways or possibly upside down, still in my seatbelt. Unable, for whatever reason to free myself...

"Kabir"

"Kabir's here"

Then I roughly remember talking with my friend April. It seems to me she's upset and a little frantic, quite understandable given the circumstances. I seem to recall speaking calmly hoping to help her relax and calm down. "I'm stuck, can you help me get out of here." Someone told me that I said I couldn't feel my legs... I don't remember that. April is unable to help me get out, I don't mind. I just ask that someone might be able to do that soon. It seems there is some dialogue... but mostly, nothing.

Now I'm on my back, on a stretcher perhaps a vague awareness of people around me talking and moving quickly, maybe at this point I hear the helicopter. I remember being placed in the helicopter and thinking "how wonderful, I get to ride in a helicopter!" And then soon, "how wonderful, I'm flying in a helicopter!"

— Saturday November 1st 2003