May you be well and happy.
The delicate times of transition, it is here where we hold one another.
It’s 5:45 on the equinox and I’m finding myself looking for an excuse to linger a little long at the desk today in search of offering “just a little something more…”
It’s been some time since I’ve allowed myself the “luxury” of putting words to page without some strict and linear intent for the purpose of doing so. Even so, responding positively to the every three day to do list suggestion of “Daily Journal Entry,” seems to bring some quality that linear intent nonetheless.
I have thought to write on a number of occasions in recent weeks, but always find myself otherwise occupied with matters of the body, care, or shoring up the systems of daily function and longevity. This, never minding the busyness of this equinox threshold, presents many facets I might consider to explore in this flow of thought.
Probably top of mind, or at the very least worth mentioning, is the sacred subject of death. One of our beloved care partners lost their father suddenly yesterday on the eve of the autumnal equinox, 2022.
They were here with me, working together in service, when the news came. This put at the center of our focus the calling out of community, the drawing fourth of rituals of care to “meet” the moment. I set that word apart, meet, as death is not so much a moment that one meets, as it is a moment that takes you.
In the face of the tragedy, the right people came forward to play their parts and transition from the mundane tasks of grocery shopping and dinner prep to those more rare and delicate surrender to mourning and entering the passageway was held in what grace we could muster.
I had labeled the day “Liminal” in my calendar already, little did I know the depth that that would take before the lights went out into the quiet of night.
Earlier in the evening, our conversation had turned already, and for no apparent connection, to the subject of re-parenting oneself. In parallel to Dr. Brown’s exquisite offering of the “Ideal Parent Protocol,” we had come up with the construct of setting forth a practice reflection for each day of the week.
For Sunday, the natal day of the Orthodox week, to reflect on what one might imagine as an optimal childhood and personal attention with satisfaction from the ages of 0 to 4. Consider those dimensions of the self growth and evolutionary process, and take care to nurture those elements throughout the day.
For Monday, from 4 to 12, consider those aspects of coming into relation with others, with family, with friends, with community, allowing the wisdom of those perspectives to become objects of play in the context of the otherwise mundane and ordinary activities of one’s life.
And so on, segmenting perhaps puberty for the following day, and… And… And…
Facets of our being, like facets of things to consider when facing a blank page, a full history of life pressing through the back and into the expression of the heart in service through words…
I can taste the quiet of the new moon, just days away. So close in fact, I blamed my restless night on it while oscillating between stirring to the white noise of mind, and listening to the audiobook on the yogas of dream and sleep.
It has been a busy time, speaking of the busyness of light flickering through facets. First as a curiosity, later as a tool, and now as a fascination, I’ve been wandering the halls of a strange new analog to the Louvre. As we explore this metaphor, it may seem like heresy to some, indeed it may seem that way to me, and yet I wonder…
I’ve long left behind social media as a time suck and distraction to drink in the noise and cacophony of countless points of view, largely without context, or meaningful coherence. I realized in the last few days I was scrolling a new digital terrain.
You may have heard of the phenomenon of artificial intelligence enabled art generation. Indeed it is a fantastic facet of the frontier of this new fundamental technology of powerful algorithmic computing trained on increasingly enormous data sets (not always without skew) that finds itself pushing into the territories of financial trading, whether and systems predictions, deep fakes, news and fake news, entertainment, and expressive 2D art.
The channels I have been walking, are that of the platforms DALL-E 2 and MidJourney. Each of these is a slightly different take on the process of offering a basic plaintext prompt (in the case of the title image of this post, “autumnal equinox, day and night, sun and new moon, digital art”) into the computer which then outputs some interpretation that drawn from scratch.
In essence, this technology is nothing more than a complex and powerfully sophisticated mathematical paintbrush that lays down pixels instead of pigments in response to the angle, repose, and gesture of the “artist.”
In the halls of MidJourney, I have found myself wandering through the co-creations of many participants, from cartoon puppies, oil paintings of romantic landscapes, fascinating concepts, or truly abstract splashes of color, is very much like wandering the halls of some endless museum, the images themselves each in their own way, speaking to the viewer, inviting insight, perspective, and even emotion from one expression to the next.
My body is tired. Health has been a struggle of late. Much of my attention have been occupied in attempting to find new and interesting Care Partners to both ground my ability to function day to day, as well as join me in the efforts to build out our humble capacities for good care as offerings more accessible to a wider audience.
There have been fits and starts in both of these dimensions, body, and collaborations that nature, and they have rested, and continue to rest in the context of seeking some new systems approximation of homeostasis in terms of managing the long-term financing of such concerns.
Though the consistency of my care going forward still has some notable gaps in the calendar, I’m happy to report and to reflect that we do seem to have some very energized, creative, and interesting new partners coming through the door. Now just to manage the generation side of producing enough reciprocal visibility in the world to make sure we can care for them enough to help them stick around.
To that end I’m happy to report that while any enduring sense of stability remains, for the moment at least, elusive, we have managed to generate enough operational and intentional integrity that I am now the proud, and humbled, new leader of an initiative with coherent vision, intention, and real practical possibilities that we may in fact be building the road beneath our feet, while the road, in the words of the wise dear friend Dr. Ari, builds us.
The public face of this initiative has yet to fill out, but behind the curtain, we have convened a truly remarkable Wisdom Council (a.k.a. Formal Board of Directors) and an ancillary Soul Trust of skilled and experienced advisors. As such we are well underway to clear definition of the intended activities of the initiative and the subsequent engagement of vital partnerships to bring those things into being.
Months ago I was brokenhearted and had all but surrendered. From that place of projected solitude, I reached out for community and was received. The lines of friendship activated and a plurality (facets again) of care emerged, from new audience of listening, to co-conspirators of creativity, to beloved care digging into the trenches to reinforce a moat, my heart was broken open yet again to feel the power that we share when we come together in love.
One friend even stepped forward to underwrite an entire month of living costs and care. At the thresholds of the world today, there is much to raise concern, unease, and even ire, but if you look carefully through the folds, and behind the curtain, there is good news, there is the unrelenting heartbeat of love underlying it all.
Most importantly, there is opportunity for each of us to care in the little moments that rise up to meet us in what might seem an otherwise ordinary and mundane day.
At my station in life, there has been much real difficulty and instability, particularly since the dawn of 2020. I am not alone, countless others have faced tragedy and challenges that vastly eclipse my own. But for my part, and with gratitude beyond words, I have found or perhaps been found by, a path that leads me moment to moment into those little and ever present opportunities to love joyfully from the depths of my heart.
May you be well and happy. May all those you know and for whom you care be well happy. May all those who would oppose us be well and happy. May all beings everywhere be well and happy.
This post felt like a karmic massage. More importantly, it showed a brief instance the human caring and connection that is MettaCare. Witnessing your struggle is the best example I have of a life well lived. That's the core of true inspiration.